Age:

1 born to Indian dad and French mother. Kicks mothers tummy to the sounds of pink floyd….. allegedly
2 ma + pa submit me to intense bouts of leonard cohen and afrika bambaata
3 they switch to marie laforet and Indian film music, figure leonard cohen may cause psychological disorders this early on. Im not angry about this at all, ive learnt to control the red mist.
4 I fall down stairs of shitty tower block due to leaky washing machines. Eyebrow has similar dimensions to a small/medium bananna. Receive £400 compensation., which my ma mentions in passing 10 years later.
5 falls asleep regularly to jonzun crew mix tapes. Father still had long hair, and probably a beard
6 watch “jaws”. not sure what affects me more, the music or the film.
7 listen to jean michel jarred on loop, crush on tall girl at school
8 get “live at the Hollywood bowl” and “yellow submarine” for birthday. didn’t know I was a beatles fan mamma! But this is some raw shit yo! (not exact wording)
9 listen to “sgt pepper” “ball of confusion“, tanita tikaram, “where to now st peter” era Elton john, hell this stuff makes me wanna move my teeny ass!
10 evil class teacher give me the fright, makes my friends cry, burn in hell bitch. Try desperately to persuade alternate supply teacher I am a neo nazi, thinking neo means “anti”. she is nice. Feel awkward bout being in choir, voice deeper than the other kids. bitch gives me hard time bout it. Screw her, im gonna learn trumpet and sneak up behind her and deafen that bitch. KABAAM right in the eardrum.
11 new school, new rules, everyone is godamn huge. Get splashed and soaked by car on first day. I believe that was a sign… from who or what? I almost remember a whisper in the air… “jay! Jay! School will only eat your soul! Stay at home bwoay!, rob some kids and buy some shares in yahoo!” could be that time has simply warped my memory though.
12 make some pancakes this year, I know that much. Figure to try to be a long jumper, like carl lewis and the Cuban dude. Try to jump further, longer, and with more consistency. Without proper funding im not gonna make pro. I didn’t.
13 supply teacher asks class “what is number one in the charts this week?” points to me. “what chart?” teacher: “duuuuh.. You don’t listen to the chart? You spanner!”.
14 listen to top 40 for a while, get bored and return to fathers bb king albums. Mamma casually mentions the 10 year incident. Poke her till she coughs up (hey… its my head…) Get a mountain bike and subsequently destroys it to dismay of parents. Get another, but destroy that one too.
15 rides bike constantly. Hellafun, listen to old jean michel jarred tapes and wonder “how the hell those sounds made? That aint a real drum kit!” 16 get crappy keyboard, write about 15 hours of music, no, it isn’t being heard by anyone.
17 buy akai s950 and atari. a few songs, are made, mostly shit. Actually, almost all. Ah hell, all of them.
18 get another sampler. Pass a levels even though every waking hour spent writing music, playing music or listening to music. Riding bmx, or digging dirt jumps. dislocate collarbone in February, just before valentines day. Start to drift into odd music, cant figure out what I wanna hear.
19 sell mountain bike to get bmx as they break too easily. Listen to shiploads of hiphop,
20 break collarbone just before valentines day.
21 Mostly un-productive year, some tea bar fun, suck corporate cock for a few months. Work with friends, make new friends, make a few enemies though. meet gem, love gem, she is awesome, , . I learnt that Ceylon is an area of sri lanka. Or that sri lanka used to be called Ceylon. One or the other. Ceylon tea comes from there.
22 signs to lumenessence. don’t touch bike during February. Just in case.
23 im 23 now but will I live to see 24? I don’t know. I hope so. (copyrite coolio… ‘cept the last bit. that’s me)